Dogged Friendships

I've been thinking an awful lot about friendships in the last year, ever since I realised that I wasn't very good at it. What is a friendship and what purpose does it actually serve? I have gained good friends up till now, but I needed a formulated explanation to this riddle. I think the simple explanation came to me the other day, as I was drying glasses in the restaurant and thinking of home, that it is with friendships as with homes: its the familiarity. In your home you are comfortably able to be yourself without censorship of your manners as when you are a guest in someone else's home. This is what makes homes so safe! With good friends you are also comfortably able to be yourself without censorship of your manners as when you are with strangers. This is what makes friends so safe! Good friends, I believe, will also help you grow as a person in the form of inspiration and love. -okay, this is beginning to sound more and more obtuse.

Point is that its been a long while since I've felt at home/with friends and I value it all the more following the saying, that 'you don't know what you've got till its gone.' I've started missing the strangest people, people that I didn't even have much to do with before I left!

I went to church last Sunday, but it was holiday and there were around 30 people. As you might remember, I found this church by talking to an outreach team that was having a worship meeting on the street across from my restaurant. I talked to one of them, Bruce, and he gave me the address. Calling him Saturday evening he told me he was leaving for the States so he wouldn't be coming to church the next day and that I should talk to Jean-Paul there. I showed up Sunday morning and was meekly welcomed by one or two smiles and I sat down near the back. The meeting, all in French, was what one knows from evangelistic churches. The youth were yawning, the speaker earnest and the worship manned by 14 year-olds compelled by their mothers. Anyway, after the meeting I wound up talking to a law student who teaches all the American evangelists, who come long-term, French. He was no great socialiser and had no time to take on the responsibility of hosting me, so after talking for a bit the conversation was politely ended:
law student (LS) "So, what will you be doing now? -going home?"
me "well, I was supposed to speak to Jean Paul but I can't see him anywhere.."
LS "No, he's a very busy man. Well, I have things to do. I know of an English church where you might fit in better if you give me your e-mail address I will try and get you in touch with them."
me (slightly surprised at being brushed off and redirected) "Oh, uhh.. yeah, sure!"
LS "Okay, well bye bye."

Hmm.. Bruce had pushed up my hopes the day before by saying that Jean-Paul, a half vietnamese, would most probably invite me for lunch (and offer me hospitable familiarity) so I was quite disappointed. Ah well, I'll try to get in touch with the English church and hopefully find someone whom I can actually communicate with. I'm getting frustrated with broken English or French. I want to speak normally, dangit! You really don't know what you've got till it's gone! But what I do know more and more is how hesitant and over-sensitively reactive I've become about churches. It doesn't take much to tick me off and any carelesness with rituals or cliches instantly get under my skin. Fascinating! ;)

I've started fantasizing about home already and as a result started pondering where to get a job. I'm starting in the army from February but until then I have nothing. I've lent a hand to the YWAM base in Moerke with felling fallen trees (from the storm), and as I understand it, there are many places with fallen trees left. I could work as a forester! Anybody with contacts? I think I need some hard work that'll keep me moving and where I can also see results with my work!

The dog's lying beside me and is beginning to take more to me than Jose. (I have a way with animals.. ;) A week ago I noticed what seemed to be a tick on its neck and I told Jose about it. Dunno what he's done about it but now the dog's scratced itself raw in the neck so I suppose Jose didn't really do much about it. The hole in the skin's about half the size of my palm of my hand and looks quite brutal. The dog's growing on my but I'll be glad to leave him behind!

I've gotten a bike! -a truly French bike: none of the screws are tightened properly, the chain has never seen oil and the wheels have only just enough air in them to keep the rims off the pavement. Nobody has a pump and nobody has tools. sigh I'm heading past the local car repair shop to see what I can borrow. The only priority with the bike is the chain which'd tie up an elephant and a lock that's the perfect weight for throwing.

My French is progressing though as I've started throwing around the most basic phrases without hesitation and have stopped translating everything and started thinking in French. Its quite exciting and its the only thing that makes me wish I could stay until January..

Oh well! Despite all this I am okay and my only problems have to do with longing for Denmark. So I am quite well! heh